and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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