It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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