Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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