make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
