I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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