we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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