So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
