Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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