When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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