The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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