Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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