If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As shirtless as possible
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
