oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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