I'm lost and stupid without you.
so that wasnt chicken after all
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
