everyone is single if you try hard enough
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
