Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
