Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
