ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
