question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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