I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Me too!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize