Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
