i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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