Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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