Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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