Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
