3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
