im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
