we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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