I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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