We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
