I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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