Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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