so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
