If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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