And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
