When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize