Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
