So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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