he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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