i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
