I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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