Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
