You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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