The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
