I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
