I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
