It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
