u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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