dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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