Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
