"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
