well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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