If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
