yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
