i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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