That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
