I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
