Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
