Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
