There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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