Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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