He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
