And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
