Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
