saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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